It’s a very sad situation, but nobody wants to be told that their family member has dementia. It’s a disease not often understood and the stigma around it makes it very hard for people to accept. Many friends and family may deny the diagnosis, particularly in the early stages when the signs of dementia are less frequent or obvious. The team at unforgettable.org have put together four possible reasons for their denial and how you can help.
They hope it might go away
Dementia is an incurable condition, but that doesn’t stop people secretly hoping that the ‘good days’ are actually a sign that the person is getting better. If the person with dementia is quite self-sufficient and able, family members may brush off the other little signs and symptoms – the repeated conversations, lost journeys – as a one-off.
They rely on that person
If a family member, such as the husband or wife of the person, is refusing to accept there’s a problem, it can be because they have always looked to that person as a source of strength, information or support. Accepting diagnosis would mean they might have to take over things – for example running the house or paying bills – and that scares them.
They don’t see the person regularly
Some family members may not spend as much time with the person with dementia as the main carer, so don’t see all the examples and instances of dementia. For example, ‘I spoke to Auntie Sue last week and she seemed fine’ when in fact, she hung up the phone and didn’t even understand who she was speaking to.
Fear about the future
Not surprisingly, one of the major reasons may be that they’re worried about what lies ahead for the loved one and for them as a carer. There are a host of challenges that can occur for someone with dementia, but learning about them can help them prepare for as a carer.
How can you help them accept the dementia diagnosis?
Have a family meeting
This can help to provide reassurance and give you a chance to explain the situation to close family or friends. You may want to bring along literature, leaflets or website pages for people to take away and read or look up (as often fear and denial are a product of ignorance). The person with dementia may or may not want to be present during the meeting, depending on whether they also accept the diagnosis. We encourage you to attend our free dementia support groups for advice and reassurance. You are more than welcome to bring your family and friends with you.
Explain that it’s ok to be worried
A dementia diagnosis is obviously going to leave many people feeling concerned about the future, and explaining that it’s normal to feel worried is fine. However, even if they still refuse to accept a diagnosis, you should let them know that you’re there to help and support as much as you can.
Explain the implications of denial
While it’s important not to scaremonger anyone, it’s also vital that everyone understands that failing to accept a dementia diagnosis could ultimately be detrimental for both the health of the person with dementia and even their own health if they’re the main caregiver.
Provide support where you can
Whether it’s helping them to set up a Lasting Power of Attorney (even if they don’t accept a diagnosis, it’s a useful document to set up for anyone) or researching what benefits or care support options are available, let them know you are there to help and support.
If you would like more information on our dementia support groups or our dementia care facilities, please contact us.